|
|
Songs in the Key of Death
DEATHKEY
NESferatu
I Can Tell You Shop At Hot(t) Topic
Triple Shot
Konami Code IV
Turn Signals Are Still Cool
One Second Ghost
English License 2.0
Hey, I've Got That Font
Mix This Song Into A23's "Maps of Reality"
Better Versions By Other People
Not on a CD
Theme From "So You've Decided To Become A Goth"
Etherblisster EP
Konami Code III
Devastator
Sonic Boom
Runzmattenweg
Everybody's all takin' 'bout DEATHKEY
But I don't even know what that means
Is it music? No, it's too noisey
DEATHKEY
Some guy all tryin' to be creepy
Posting his rants and bandname repetitively
From his parents' basement, on his mom's PC
DEATHKEY
I'm on the Side-Line boards
I got machete swords
Express my mental block
By way of Caps Lock
It spread across the web like it was grape jelly
It's everywhere like ninjas and zombies
So viral, the doc just diagnosed me
DEATHKEY
Now every morning my inbox is at capacity
I look why and then I cry "ZOMG"
A thousand blog comments and this is how they all read:
DEATHKEY
I'm on the Side-Line boards
I got machete swords
Express my mental block
By way of Caps Lock
My bullshit was so extreme,
My band is now an internet meme
So on every forum thread
Forget the topic
Reply with DEATHKEY instead
I know where you got that T-Shirt
I know where you got those boots
I know where you got that tote bag
Touting your Nintendo roots
And I'm aware of the location
Of just where you got those pants
And the tribute compilation with the
Cleopatra bands, bands, bands
I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic
'Cause you look sorta skater punk rock and 40% gothic
I'm not making any judgments here,
I just know where you bought it
'Cause I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic
I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic
'Cause you look sorta skater punk rock and kinda, sorta gothic
It's not parody or sarcasm
It's only to observe
That the source of your clothes
Is quite easy to discern
Arcade alteration's on the menu for tonight
And Galaga's the target for a massive weapons hike
Still got no up and down flight path, just horizontal scrolling
But we'll still upgrade the armament for outer space patrolling
'Cause tonight we're going overboard, tonight you're getting rocked
Because we've got a firepower surplus to allot
Mosquito alien insectoids are now gonna thrice swat
With one hundred percent acc-u-ra-cy on the dot
Triple shot
Triple shot
You try to defend but you cannot
Triple shot
Three conjoined battleships is what I got
Triple shot
Triple shot
You try to defend but you cannot
Triple shot
Three conjoined fighter ships is what I got
Without connected space vessels, bloodlust goes unassuaged
And mono monster mashing always makes for a "challenging stage"
But despite the symphony of destruction from my two-pronged attacks
True lethal harmony was out because a duet was the max
'Cause only double ships in Galaga could previously be attained
But tonight a new joint wingman to the existing two is gained
'Cause when the forces of the arcade meet our industrial electro
The result is an unstoppable artillery trifecto
Triple shot
Triple shot
You try to defend, but you cannot
Try to get back to the top of the screen:
You get jack squat
When you're in a lane
And you
Suddenly deviate
You make me feel ashamed
For my own
Wisconsin license plate
I can't read your mind
I'm not in
The Psychic Friends Network
So you must signal your directional intentions
Or watch me go berserk
(On you)
In the lanes
You must signal
On the off-ramp
You still must signal
You demonstrate your gaping lack of any driving skill
'Cause turn signals are not optional
The lines on the road are
Clearly marked, but you're
Drifting like a raft
How did you ever get a valid driver's license?
Was it blackmail, bribery or witchcraft?
And if the lead guy at the light
Gets his left signal on too late
Make sure you get that blinker on
Before you circumnavigate
This is the type thing that
Shouldn't be so hard
I don't think it's that hard
Is it really that hard?
All eight bits of me
Are solidly
Committed to side-scrolling
And no enemies
Can vanquish me
Or the power I'm controlling
But I suddenly scream "Shit!""
Because my guy has just been hit
With my hits points indicator less than full
But it's quite inconsequential
And my wrath will be torrential
For the following one second
I am in-vin-ci-a-ble
('cause I'm a)
One Second
One Second Ghost
One Second
One Second Ghost
The cause of my awesomeNES
Has been diagnosed
('cause I'm a)
One Second
One Second Ghost
Post contact I am flashing
And on the screen I'm dashing
'Cause my time as a specter is so limited
But even though I've just been damaged
I turn that to my advantage
You can't stop this platform gaming rivethead
('cause I'm a)
One Second
One Second Ghost
The cause of your imminent death
Has been diagnosed
One Second
One Second Ghost
You try to do me in
Well almost
You get
Vengeance from the other side
Where pixel poltergeists reside
It's the power you play with
When you play Nintendo
So take this song as a tutorial
For going incorporeal
'Cause if you strike me down
I'll rise like a crescendo
Now don't get me wrong
When you hear this song
'Cause I got five Project Pitchfork CDs on my desk
Playing more than occasionally
XMTP MP3s
But we're the English Police,
and you're under arrest!
First off, the letter "V"
Is pronounced differently
Than the way in which the letter "W" is said
Such linguistic mistakes
Should be harder to make
If you called up an American goth and got your shit proofread!
Chorus:
For crimes of crappy lyrics that don't make any sense
Your judgment has been made and it decrees that forth hence
Project Pitchfork, E-Craft, and Funker Vogt
Your English License has been revoked!
For crimes of crappy lyrics that don't make any sense
Your judgment has been made and it decrees that forth hence
Neuroticfish and E-Craft, and Funker Vogt
Your English License has been revoked!
And I will concede
That I will stomp 'till I bleed
To your music 'cause I'm not a hater
But it's hard sound tough,
Even vocoding wont' be enough,
If your lyrics are written by a first grader
But I'll let you off with a warning
If you promise me one thing:
That you'll figure out what the proper syllables to accent are
'Cause your looped layers of static
Will sound more dramatic
When you don't sing like a goddamn dork...ALLES KLAR?
(chorus)
Breakdown:
Bands are on the run from the grammatical police
For their own good, we gotta find and fix mistakes from Germanese
No more changing words to make a rhyme or rhyming same words twice
'Cause it's possible write a hit were the words aren't sacrificed
Soon we're gonna go put other places to the test
By fixing up their lyrics, Scandanavia is next
Making yudgments on the quality of lyrical esteem
Chopping up shitty lyrics with a guil-e-o-tine
The right accents aren't required to garner our approval
But singing like an idiot means license removal
And I aware of my own lyrical shortcomings
Pronunciation errors that knock me out the running
Saying Funker, not "Foonkah", when I know that that is wrong
Showing blatant hypocrisy within my own damn song
But I'll make an effort and strain
To get it right on the refrain
And here it comes again
So raise your voice (not woice) and sing along!
(chorus x2)
The boss isn't looking
So I use my screen
For browsing an online music magazine
And there I see a thing
That I can't believe
There are still band logos made with Ogilvie
'cause me,
I'm something of a typeface connoisseur
I eat chicken wing dings with my font du jour [tofu chicken]
And I can spot your shitty fonts like a cheap toupee
And still blow you away
With my Arial display
And when it comes to fonts,
I annihilate
And when I print my fonts,
I always collate
Some are narrow and condensed,
Others heavyweight
And I'm more gothic
Than any Copperplate
Hey, I've Got That Font
And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want
Hey, I've Got That Font
They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant
Hey, I've Got That Font
With bolds and italics from here to Vermont
Hey, I've Got That Font
Creepygirl and Rockwell, I'm a fuckin' font savant
There are so many fonts that I recognize
Zoom in all you want, they won't pixelize
'Cause I know the good shit from the replicas
I'll see you in Helvetica
and then a
Big fucking axe will cut off your hands
You used to be serif, but now you're sans
And I got plans to make that font
Used by Mickey D's
I'll trace it out with the blood
From where your hands used to be
I customized a font so each serif ends in a hook
But your custom font looks like gobbledygook
And that's not Eras Lite but Eras Medium that you mistook
And I'm more gothic
Than any Franklin Book
Hey, I've Got That Font
And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want
Hey, I've Got That Font
They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant
Hey, I've Got That Font
If there was a typeface army, then I'd be the commandant
Hey, I've Got That Font
I sell 'em to pay off my Mitsubishi Galant
Morpheus
Times New Roman
Ultraworld
Bookman Old Style
Garamond
Liquidism
Comic, Bloody, Impact
Verdana
Goudy Stout
Century Gothic, Bauhaus
Joystix
Buffy
Liquidism 2
Metal Lord
Courier New
If you're gonna get paid
For playing other people's music
You'll probably wanna add some zing
And here's one way to do it
And I know that fancy mixing
Doesn't always make a good DJ
But still, my mom could put a CD in a deck
And make it play
"Maps of Reality"
By Assemblage 23
Has the same BPM
And is in the same key
As the track which you are hearing now
It's Beat Match 101
We'll synchronize
The song's reprise
And then we'll have some fun
Because it's like a paint by numbers
Except for the DJ booth
Because a pause that lasts two seconds
Just sounds sloppy and uncouth
We'll make a beat match so precise
You'll leave the dancefloor thunderstruck
Because our mash-up will be organized
And not just sheer (Shear?) luck
"Maps of Reality"
By Assemblage 23
Is the subject of this mix
Because I think that song is neat
So whoever's at the decks,
Prepare to bring the real beat back
And cue it up to 9.7 seconds into the track
Because it's like a paint by numbers
Except for the disc jockey
'Cause two shoes in a dryer
Pisses off my Tamagotchi
But train wrecks can be avoided
And we're here to show you how
So miss or mister DJ,
Drop the beat...*NOW*
Main synth in 5 4 3 2
And cue Tom's vocals
We'll end this shit when we reach the chorus
Better versions by
Other people
Bigger beats and better synths
And at least twice as evil
Probably gonna overshadow mine
But it's worth the risk
Just to get a few more tracks
On this goddamn disc
Better versions by
Other people
When other people do the work
It turns out much less feeble
Should you hear this CD in a club
It should be no surprise
It's gonna be one these tracks
By these other guys
Congratulations, I hear you're goth now
But if you are just tuning in
Well let me tell you how
To be all creepy
Industrial and gothic
Just have a seat and
Rewatch the filmstrip
So you want
So you want to become a goth
Discover 80s icons apart from David Lee Roth
And other things that you learn when you become a goth
Not quite emo-ite
Poseur or nu-metal
And is here underscored
By Hanzl und Gretyl
So stayed tuned in our series
Of gothic education
Next we'll cover hi-hats, kick drums
And arpeggiation
So you want
So you want to become a goth
Discover 80s icons apart from David Lee Roth
And other things that you learn when you become a goth
So you want
So you want to become a goth
Hear music colder than ice planet Hoth
And other things that you learn when you become a goth
Or buy Funker Vogt instead
To become a rivet head
Order now for a free DVD
Of Dawn of the Dead
Contra! 30 Guys!
Enter in this code for thirty lives!
Contra! 30 Guys!
Punch in the code for thirty lives!
UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A SELECT START
Contra! 30 Guys!
The following code makes the body count rise!
Micah! You look like-ah
Streetfighter!
Micah! You look like-ah
You're 16 bits on a Super Nintendo!
You spike your hair in such a way,
It's blonde and sharp and pointy
And it makes me want to say:
SONIC BOOM!
Cruc' Injection!
Entering the room,
Throwing catchy synth hooks at tremendous volume!
Spikey blonde hair that's pointy and well groomed,
You cannot withstand the industrial
SONIC BOOM!
Micah! You look like-ah
Flashkicker!
Micah! You look like-ah
You're gonna hit M. Bison with a medium punch!
You spike your hair in such a way,
I hold back for two seconds
Push forward and A!
SONIC BOOM!
Autobots are going down
'Cause there's an evil giant robotic
New kid in town!
Constructicons
Form to create
The amalgemous monstrosity that Autobots hate!
Right arm is formed by Scavenger!
Left leg is formed by Mixmaster!
Scrapper, Long Haul, Bone Crusher
Make up the rest!
Hook creates the head that heroes detest!
DEVASTATOR!
Constructicons in battle
With the Dinobots!
They kick and claw and tear and share
Commercial spots!
But the forces of evil
Rule the scene
With an iron fist
That's purple and green!
Right arm is formed by Scavenger!
Left leg is formed by Mixmaster!
Scrapper, Long Haul, Bone Crusher
Make up the rest!
Hook creates the head that snaps on to his chest!
DEVASTATOR!
|
|
|
