Lyrics

    Industrialites & Magic
    B-R-[x]-A-N
    Save Dat Mermaid
    Wearing A Star Trek Uniform, Watching Tony Lechmanski Sleep
    Drunk Cuts
    Voicebox Botox
    My Guy Died (Level 12 Human Sorcerer)
    You Have Found the Hawk's Claw
    Wildness Acts
    Baby Jesus vs. Baby Genius

    VARIOUS ARTISTS: Resistanz
    The First Band Ever to Play Resistanz Festival (We're #1)

    Kinetik Festival Volume 3
    Holy Shit, We're Playing Kinetik

    Electronic Saviors: Industrial Music to Cure Cancer
    Jim, Let Me Know When You Can Drink Again

    Sega Lugosi's Dead
    INFL8-R
    Second Album Means It's Too Late to Change Your Band Name
    Amphibious Trigonometry
    Karma Jolt
    Eff the Sun
    BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLSSSS (Prometheus Burning vs. The Gothsicles)
    mindFluxFuneral owes me like $100
    Nine Dudes Freaking Out
    I Thought the CD Player Was Broken...But it was Just a Cyanotic Song (feat. Cyanotic)

    Songs in the Key of Death
    DEATHKEY

    NESferatu
    I Can Tell You Shop At Hot(t) Topic
    Triple Shot
    Konami Code IV
    Turn Signals Are Still Cool
    One Second Ghost
    English License 2.0
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    Mix This Song Into A23's "Maps of Reality"
    Better Versions By Other People

    Not on a CD
    Everyone Should Play V:TES ('Cause Somebody's Gotta Be Worse Than Me) - feat. Ben Peal
    Holy Shit, We're Playing Infest!
    Theme From "So You've Decided To Become A Goth"

    Etherblisster EP
    Konami Code III
    Devastator
    Sonic Boom
    Runzmattenweg


  • B-R-[x]-A-N


    Two dudes on the scene
    Tattoos of machines
    Mixing Diet RC with a fifth of
    Jim Beam

    Jim's a cool name
    But when I say "Bryan"
    The ladies line up
    With my code compilin'
    'Cause the letters that I use
    To write my name out
    Are cooler than the booze
    Flowin' out of the spout

    I disbelieve
    The rhymes you weave
    Enjoy a reprieve
    'Cause here's how it's gonna...

    B-R-I-A-N

    You spell that all messed up
    When the chorus comes
    You can try it again
    B-R-Y-A-N

    Why's it got a Y
    When the I I got is better by times ten
    B-R-I-A-N

    You spell that all messed up
    When the chorus comes
    You can try it again
    B-R-Y-A-N

    Why's it got a Y
    When the I I got is better by millions
    Two syllables and three consonants
    And the vowels I empower
    Make lots of sense
    An I and then an A
    Is the one and only way
    That I'll ever recognize
    The spelling of the name

    That's heresy
    Total blasphemy
    The absence of a Y is a catastrophe
    Y is a vowel and consonant
    Y is the letter that pays my rent

    B-R-I-A-N
    B-R-Y-A-N


  • Save Dat Mermaid


    No police
    Or this underwater beast
    Gets both beheaded and filleted

    I’ve got no idea
    Who this fishy mistress is
    But such is the trap I’ve laid

    Your family’s captured, too
    But they’ve got less to do
    Than this random chick of the sea

    You beat me in round one
    But this is round two
    And you’ll never make it to round three

    Unless there’s

    A yo-yo strike to take down a gangster
    A snake fight, so take up the slingshot
    A solo mission with no eskimo accolades
    ‘Til the way is clear
    Save dat mermaid

    Can’t find the vine down which I’m ‘sposed to climb
    I have a hammer, but only on the inside
    Tests of strength and of mind all serve to hide the way
    But the goal is clear
    Save dat mermaid

    No need to be afeared
    I’ll rescue you
    With my scuba gear
    And that cool spear shooting gun
    I’m staying overnight at the Radisson

    Everyone will cheer
    When I rescue you with my scuba gear
    You’ll be one rescued ass mermaid
    And I’ll be wearing scuba gear

    A yo-yo strike to take down a gangster
    A snake fight, so take up the slingshot
    A solo mission with no eskimo accolades
    ‘Til the way is clear
    Save dat mermaid

    Can’t find the vine down which I’m ‘sposed to climb
    I have a hammer, but only on the inside
    Tests of strength and of mind all serve to hide the way
    But the goal is clear
    Save dat mermaid
    A yo-yo strike to take down a gangster
    A fuckin’ snake, so boomerang the blindspot
    A solo mission with no eskimo accolades
    ‘Til the way is clear
    Save dat mermaid

    Can’t find the vine down which I’m ‘sposed to climb
    Slappin’ old men because it makes me feel fine
    Tests of strength and of mind all serve to hide the way
    But the goal is clear
    Save dat mermaid

    That game was fucking hard


  • Wearing A Star Trek Uniform, Watching Tony Lechmanksi Sleep


    Ego Likeness was gonna stay at my place
    I like those guys a lot
    And their music is ace
    Donna has a voice from outer space
    And Steven has a cool beard on his face
    But Dave called up
    And this is what he said
    "Bella Morte is crashing with you guys instead"
    The band came over
    And they were super cool guys
    But one of them was slated for a surprise

    He plays guitar for Bella Morte
    And his name is Tony Lechmanski
    At night I put on a Star Trek uniform
    And watch the man sleep

    Okay, that only happened once
    ‘Cause he was only at my place one time
    But Tony, you’re welcome whenever
    I’ll read you fan fic about Seven of Nine

    He looked so precious
    When he was alseep
    Like a little punk rock angel

    Or an itty bitty tribble
    Or a baby gorn
    Or a Jesus in a manger

    At one point in the night
    He opened his eyes
    And I thought he was gonna get mean
    But I just backed into my room
    And whispered "This is all a dream"

    He plays guitar for Bella Morte
    And his name is Tony Lechmanski
    At night I put on a Star Trek uniform
    And watch the man sleep

    Okay, that only happened once
    ‘Cause he was only at my place one time
    But Tony, you’re welcome whenever
    We’ll write fan fic about Optimus Prime


  • Drunk Cuts


    Drunk cuts are cuts
    That you get on your hands
    When you are all inebriated

    They go unnoticed
    Until the next morning
    When's intoxication's abated

    You might have tripped up some stairs
    Or taken a spill
    Or tried to open bottles you thought were twist-off

    Or broken some glass
    Or bitten a hangnail
    Or punched a door because you were pissed off

    Drunk cuts

    Drunk cuts are cuts
    You also get on your legs
    If you've fallen down and scrapped up a knee

    Or you might get drunk cuts
    If you fall off the hood
    Of the car on which you were taking a pee

    Or your flesh might get seared
    With demonic messages
    That happens sometimes when you're possessed
    And you might nick yourself
    While you're stabbing a cocktease
    Some 37 times in the chest

    Drunk cuts


  • Voicebox Botox


    Carnivorous beats and
    Caliginous meat
    Elective dentistry
    Injest the enemy

    Carnivorous beats and
    Caliginous meat
    Devour my feet

    Carnivorous beats and
    Caliginous meat
    A vicious enterprise
    Lightly tenderized

    Carnivorous beats and
    Caliginous meat
    Reheat the concrete

    I wanna rock
    I wanna
    Voicebox botox


  • My Guy Died (Level 12 Human Sorcerer)


    We were fighting some trolls
    In the warrens below
    Getting close to our goal
    As far as I know
    My dude fails a roll
    And it knocks him prone
    No standards, moves or minors
    I was totally boned

    It was a critical hit
    From some little minimal shit
    When I heard those little dice click
    I threw a bit of a fit
    Instead of a saving throw
    Instead of a glancing blow
    No medical skills in tow
    I let my character go

    My guy died
    The coup de grace came up
    On the 20th side

    Crit

    He had
    11 strength
    13 con
    16 dex
    11 int
    9 wisdom
    23 charisma

    I play a minotaur now

    My guy died
    The coup de grace came up
    On the 20th side

    My guy died
    No death save modifiers
    Could be applied

    My guy died
    That human saving throw bonus
    Couldn’t save me this time


  • You Have Found the Hawk’s Claw


    This wand in my hand
    In this mystical land
    Enchant & distract
    A draconic attack

    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    Time to cast a magic spell
    On a chest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest

    Hunting down thieves
    And ladies in leaves
    Portals & runes
    Ice arrow harpoons

    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    Time to cast a magic spell
    On a chest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest

    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest
    I’ve got magic skills
    All the way from here to Budapest
    You have found the hawk’s claw
    On a quest


  • Wildness Acts


    I'm out here getting wild like a wild baboon
    Always throwing office parties in the filing room
    I got a shoebox of receipts from the jet ski place
    'Cause i rent jet skis like every day

    Gettin' crazy all night long
    In gothic clubs
    Pickin' daisies with these throngs
    Of panda cubs
    Kevin Spacey used some tongs
    In a British pub
    'Cause his steak was well done
    And too hot to pick up

    I'm wearing wildness slacks
    Committing wildness acts
    I'm wearing wildness slacks
    Committing wildness acts

    Guilty of wildness
    Guilty of acts
    Guilty of wild
    NES acts

    [whatever the hell xero is saying]

    Wild to the max with wildness acts

    I was experimented on by the government
    They tried to turn me into a rubber gent
    A rubber gent's a dude who's hella dapper
    And can bend in weird ways like he's made of plastic

    I'm always back stage at festivals
    Getting bonkers with the bands and special guestivals
    I prefer my pizza with vegetables
    I got like three brain cells left inside my skull


  • Baby Jesus vs. Baby Genius


    Two babies had a fight
    In the motherfucking dirt
    And punched each other in the dick
    ‘Til their baby nipples hurt

    They had a fight


  • The First Band Ever to Play Resistanz Festival (We're #1)


    You make a mix tape, you put the best song first
    And the guy who wins the race is the one who comes in first
    Even though we may not be known as well
    We’re still the first band to play Resistanz Festival

    We’re number one

    You rent some videos, you watch the best one first
    And picking kickball teams, you pick the best guy first
    The Gothsicles are opening on the first night
    Or late afternoon, to be technically right

    We’re number one


  • Holy Shit, We're Playing Kinetik


    Montreal's got a free for all
    In the form of an EBM festival
    With terror noise and power noise
    And a night of old skool industrial
    With food and booze and alcohol
    And their beer selection is the best of all
    But it looks like someone dropped the ball
    'Cause this year's got The Gothsicles

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (That doesn't rhyme)

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (With Edgey, Hocico and Dive)

    Vasi from Reaper thinks I look like Kurt Russell
    Which I don't really get 'cause i don't look like like Kurt Russell
    But I do smack hella suckers upside their face
    I got hella bad gas, but I start the party in this place

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (That doesn't rhyme)

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (With Caustic, Combichrist and Dive)

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (Still doesn't rhyme)

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik
    (With Memmaker, ADR and Dive)

    Holy shit,
    We're playing Kinetik

    On the same stage as Leaetherstrip

    And your band if I missed them


  • Jim, Let Me Know When You Can Drink Again


    I like getting wild with the occasional beer
    And fly on pure grain alcohol like the Rocketeer
    But then my wing man
    Was taken down at random

    I drink up all the Hennessey
    Ya got on ya shelf
    But I don't wanna do that shit all by myself
    'Cause what I'm here to celebrate
    Has to happen in tandem

    So,
    Jim,
    Let me know when you can drink again
    'Cause we'll take it to the brink again
    Extreme party stylezz

    Jim,
    Let me know when you can drink again
    'Cause we'll take it to the brink again
    Party stylezz for miles

    We'll barhop Pittsburgh 'til Monday comes
    Drinkin' gin and beer and Everclear and vodka and rum
    And hey, since you're back on you're feet, I'll pick up the tab

    And when i am sufficiently in party mode
    I'll ask you some questions i've been wanting to know
    Like why the fuck your band shirt has some chick getting stabbed

    Party styles in this place
    Party styles in this time


  • Everyone Should Play V:TES ('Cause Somebody's Gotta Be Worse Than Me) - feat. Ben Peal


    It's our designated weeknight
    Or weekend if you roll that way
    I brought a couple a' beers
    But save like six for me, okay?
    'Cause like an adult swim
    I'm always out of the pool
    I got an academic hunting ground
    'Cause I'm always getting schooled

    I've got a history
    Of playing inadmissibly
    To any tournament I see
    'Cause I get killed by Chimerstry
    You're thinking moves ahead
    I'm struggling with card text
    And trying to determine
    The effects of Rötshreck

    It's got great group dynamics
    And that keeps me coming back
    Even though all I'm good at
    Is the pre-game talking smack
    I'll threaten you
    With my brand new
    Inner Circle Toreador
    Then watch you pound me into the ground
    With cards from '94

    I've got a history
    Of playing inadmissibly
    To any tournament I see
    'Cause I get killed by progeny
    You're thinking moves ahead
    I'm struggling with card text
    And trying to determine
    Rötshreck's effects

    I've got a history
    Of playing inadmissibly
    At every tournament I see
    'Cause I get killed by Thaumaturgy
    You're thinking moves ahead
    I'm struggling with card text
    And wondering what horrid combo
    You'll throw at me next


  • INFL8-R


    Subterranean
    Exterminator
    I'm witnessing you destroy
    Low-res
    Low-lives
    With the brutal means that you employ
    Incendiary
    Reptilians
    And those goggle-headed red round guys
    Broken skin
    From within
    Leading to internal pressure demise

    Inflate
    Your enemies until they
    Disincorporate
    Your hi-score means explode and
    Annihilate
    All you pursue because it's
    Mr. See
    Mr. Do
    You're through

    In these earthen tunnels
    Video passageways
    Only devastation to be found
    No Shock G
    No Humpty Hump
    In this digital underground

    Blood in
    Blood out
    Blood shooting out your eyes
    Dig in
    Dug out
    Out of time and out of extra lives

    No reset
    No restart
    Injected
    And torn apart


  • Second Album Means It's Too Late to Change Your Band Name


    Remember your first email address?
    A memory that you might try to repress
    'Cause in 2001 at juno.com
    You were still known as gothicfairyprincess
    And I betcha somewhere you'd wish that you'd changed
    But to switch your email is a hell of a pain
    Recognition of the name goes down the drain
    And the whole thing holds true for band names, too

    Second time around means that your shit's solidified
    'Cause by the second time around the sound's by name identified
    And if you ever sought to alter that, you'd find yourself denied
    'Cause by the second time around you've wound the ropes by which you're tied

    Second time around

    It's constantly happening
    Bands always regretting
    The elected moniker
    By which they monitor
    The scene or register as their myspace thing

    'Cause I've heard that Tom Shear doesn't like band name
    And I've read that Fat Mike has expressed much that same
    But both those bands are awesome so it's like, ya know, whatever
    So yo, fuck it, "Gothsicles" forever

    Second time around means that your shit's solidified
    'Cause by the second time around the sound's by name identified
    And if you ever sought to alter that, you'd find yourself denied
    'Cause by the second time around, that appellation's bound

    Second time around means that it's too late to change your band name


  • Amphibious Trigonometry


    Monster school student bodies always seem to be diverse
    With like a mummy and a zombie and a demon student nurse
    And a mortician bus driver 'cause the bus is a hearse
    But one type of monster always has it the worst

    'Cause the werewolf guy's gig is to howl at the moon
    And the vampire kid can make the ladies swoon
    But you'll always wait for 3 in the afternoon
    If you're the fish kid from the black lagoon

    'Cause you need
    Water to breathe
    Can't take french 3
    Amphibiously

    Were you a zombie fish boy,
    Well then I 'spose it wouldn't matter
    As the undead do not require a breathing apparatus
    But I've never seen a revenant complete a swan dive
    Fish men maybe monsters, but they're clearly alive

    Can't be a football star like frankenstein
    The impact would surely crack your fragile spines
    Can't be in the school play with the opera phantom nerds
    'Cause your aquatic vocal chords can't ennuciate words

    Can't get a steady girl or friend with benefits
    'Cause no lady likes a guy who's been a fish
    But as marine based life, you can still take pride
    In fearing no swirly or bubbler ride

    'Cause you need
    Water to breathe
    Can't take trigonometry
    Amphibiously

    Were you a zombie fish boy,
    Well then I 'spose it wouldn't matter
    As the undead do not require a breathing apparatus
    But I've never seen a revenant complete a swan dive
    Fish men maybe monsters, but they're clearly alive

    And I'm glad they're not zombies
    For I confess
    That I'm WAY DONE WITH ZOMBIES
    But I digress
    The point is that school will make you depressed
    If you've got gills on your face and scales on your chest


  • Karma Jolt


    Dragon Feet
    You die
    Texas Boots
    You die
    Zeus' Wand
    You die
    Life meter undermined

    Javelin Man
    You die
    A Grand Slam
    You die
    Fatal Steps
    You still die
    In the absence of supplies

    No time to fuck about
    Max power is maxed out
    Karma Jolt

    Flip for it like Acro Circus
    Mightier than any Zerg rush
    Karma Jolt

    The smiles are free
    But the death is still cheap
    If restoratives
    Are not what you keep

    Against the Jocks
    You die
    Against the Squids
    You die
    Against the Mob
    You die
    Coinage bisectified

    Against the Plague
    You die
    Against Cowboys
    You die
    Against Homeboys
    You still die
    And you only get one guy

    No time to fuck about
    Max power is maxed out
    Karma Jolt

    Healthier than brussel sprouts
    Max power is maxed out
    Karma Jolt

    Tricklin' down ya throat
    With a Karma Jolt
    Drink it up

    Just one taste
    Of that bubbling karma crude
    Is complete stamina points
    So you disarm a dude
    And take all of his change
    After he's ceased to be alive
    And walk up to the counter
    And drop $15.25

    A jolt of karma in the arm allows for furtherance of harm
    A jolt of karma in the arm allows for furtherance of harm
    A jolt of karma in the arm allows for furtherance of harm
    A jolt of karma in the arm, a karma jolt


  • Eff the Sun


    Like a corrupt data compiler
    We're gonna mess up
    That ball of fire

    Douse the power it requires
    Video games all day
    No prior

    Kulcha
    Was ever glare free
    Those little light bursts
    Bouncing off the screen

    Annoying
    To the nth degree
    That's why the sun is gonna get one toll free

    Bomb blast

    In the precise vicinity
    To nullify negative charge
    For all infinity

    Cascade effects
    Chain reactions
    Atomic level annihilation
    To eff the sun

    Eff the sun

    Anti solar sentiment
    Is nothing new
    But my ostentatious arguments necessitate review

    My chief argument is
    That the sun eats poo
    And all gets up in my eyes
    When I play faxanadu
    And through
    A telescope
    I calculate
    The absolute destruction of all solar real estate

    And wait
    While the platform rises
    With more destructive force than 8 starship Enterprises
    But crap
    The hydraulics are broken
    Need to call tech support at the place I bought it from
    But the guy on the line is a freakin' jerk
    Man, I just need the lifting platform to work
    Reboot the machine, wait the for start up chimes
    Alright we're all good, now it's finally time
    Eternal darkness
    'Cause the sun's all charred
    Put the text of this song on a V:TES card
    Eff the sun


  • BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLSSSS (Prometheus Burning vs. The Gothsicles)


    BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLSSSS

    3D circles
    Orbs & spheres
    In your face
    And in your ears

    3D circles
    Orbs & globes
    In your grill
    And on your lobes
    It's


  • mindFluxFuneral owes me like $100


    Out on my lunch break
    Headed to the Chinese place for some delicious take
    Out but to my surprise
    I was to be penalized
    By a radar pair of eyes

    Birthmark playing in the car
    That fourth track is
    Worth four stars
    And then there was that officaaar

    Listenin' to mindFlux
    And spendin' the big bucks
    Pulled over by the law

    That ticket was bullshit
    And I shoulda fought it
    But it was in Waukesha

    But the point is you made me
    'Cause that songs kicks crazy
    Much amounts of ass

    Thereby, I attest to thee
    You're an accessory
    To my driving slightly fast

    So this one's on you
    This one's on you

    Then years later at Chicago's Darkroom
    I'm approached by a singer guy I recognize and subsequently with whom
    I converse & try to get reimbursed
    To get some money back into my wallet
    He's like "Huh?" I'm like "Yeah" he's like "No" I'm like "Cool"
    "'Cause i was just kidding about it"
    He's like "Dude man, that sucks, and you're not alone.
    Skinny Puppy's had me passing dudes in no passing zones.
    So here's some advice of comparable value:
    Write about that shit"
    ...I think i'll write about that shit.

    AND I TEAR YOU APART (lyrics from mFF's "Dream It Dead", the song this song is kind of about)


  • Nine Dudes Freaking Out


    Freaking out
    Getting wild
    Getting wild
    Freaking out
    Freaking out
    Getting wild
    Getting wild and freaking out

    Ramp the wacky up

    Nine dudes freaking out
    And going berzerk
    Nine dudes throwing down
    And going to work

    A small percentage of the place
    All getting wild
    A booth in the back is where the coats are piled

    Shake your sillies out
    It's what I'm all about
    Basic masonry
    Requires grout

    A small percentage of the place
    All getting wild
    By the 14th of April
    Have your taxes filed

    The next morning, go out
    Get you something to eat
    Oh man, mimosas and a hostess cake or
    Breakfast burrito
    And it's only when the server staff
    Shows up with your food
    That the door gets knocked down
    And in rush nine dudes


  • I Thought the CD Player Was Broken...But it was Just a Cyanotic Song (feat. Cyanotic)


    Hey, what's that noise?
    The CD player's busted
    Or the CD's scratched up
    And shitcake encrusted
    Oh wait
    It's just on shuffle
    And a Cyanotic track
    Is causing kerfluffles
    With stuttery takes
    And skippery sounds
    They wouldn't take this CD
    At the Disc-Go-Round
    'Cause they only stake stuff
    That's free of scratches
    And after a second of this
    My ear lobe detaches
    It's like Pantera at a hip hop show
    Or terminators driving down a bumpy road
    Or Robocop with a ruptured spleen
    Or someone who's role model is a machine

    Hey, you know that one Cyanotic band?
    They're the guys with the moving keyboard stand
    We're doing a collab with them on our second disc
    And the lead singer sounds just like this

    We're doing a collab with that Cyanotic band
    Careful, keyboard guy, or you'll crush your hands
    It just might be the hottest track on the disc
    And the lead singer screams just like thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-i-i-i-i-i-s


  • DEATHKEY


    Everybody's all takin' 'bout DEATHKEY
    But I don't even know what that means
    Is it music? No, it's too noisey
    DEATHKEY

    Some guy all tryin' to be creepy
    Posting his rants and bandname repetitively
    From his parents' basement, on his mom's PC
    DEATHKEY

    I'm on the Side-Line boards
    I got machete swords

    Express my mental block
    By way of Caps Lock

    It spread across the web like it was grape jelly
    It's everywhere like ninjas and zombies
    So viral, the doc just diagnosed me
    DEATHKEY

    Now every morning my inbox is at capacity
    I look why and then I cry "ZOMG"
    A thousand blog comments and this is how they all read:
    DEATHKEY

    I'm on the Side-Line boards
    I got machete swords

    Express my mental block
    By way of Caps Lock

    My bullshit was so extreme,
    My band is now an internet meme

    So on every forum thread
    Forget the topic
    Reply with DEATHKEY instead


  • I Can Tell You Shop At Hot(t) Topic


    I know where you got that T-Shirt
    I know where you got those boots
    I know where you got that tote bag
    Touting your Nintendo roots

    And I'm aware of the location
    Of just where you got those pants
    And the tribute compilation with the
    Cleopatra bands, bands, bands

    I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic
    'Cause you look sorta skater punk rock and 40% gothic
    I'm not making any judgments here,
    I just know where you bought it
    'Cause I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic

    I can tell that you, that you shop at Hot(t) Topic
    'Cause you look sorta skater punk rock and kinda, sorta gothic
    It's not parody or sarcasm
    It's only to observe
    That the source of your clothes
    Is quite easy to discern

  • Triple Shot


    Arcade alteration's on the menu for tonight
    And Galaga's the target for a massive weapons hike
    Still got no up and down flight path, just horizontal scrolling
    But we'll still upgrade the armament for outer space patrolling
    'Cause tonight we're going overboard, tonight you're getting rocked
    Because we've got a firepower surplus to allot
    Mosquito alien insectoids are now gonna thrice swat
    With one hundred percent acc-u-ra-cy on the dot

    Triple shot
    Triple shot
    You try to defend but you cannot
    Triple shot
    Three conjoined battleships is what I got

    Triple shot
    Triple shot
    You try to defend but you cannot
    Triple shot
    Three conjoined fighter ships is what I got

    Without connected space vessels, bloodlust goes unassuaged
    And mono monster mashing always makes for a "challenging stage"
    But despite the symphony of destruction from my two-pronged attacks
    True lethal harmony was out because a duet was the max
    'Cause only double ships in Galaga could previously be attained
    But tonight a new joint wingman to the existing two is gained
    'Cause when the forces of the arcade meet our industrial electro
    The result is an unstoppable artillery trifecto

    Triple shot
    Triple shot
    You try to defend, but you cannot
    Try to get back to the top of the screen:
    You get jack squat

  • Turn Signals Are Still Cool


  • When you're in a lane
    And you
    Suddenly deviate
    You make me feel ashamed
    For my own
    Wisconsin license plate

    I can't read your mind
    I'm not in
    The Psychic Friends Network
    So you must signal your directional intentions
    Or watch me go berserk
    (On you)

    In the lanes
    You must signal
    On the off-ramp
    You still must signal
    You demonstrate your gaping lack of any driving skill
    'Cause turn signals are not optional

    The lines on the road are
    Clearly marked, but you're
    Drifting like a raft
    How did you ever get a valid driver's license?
    Was it blackmail, bribery or witchcraft?

    And if the lead guy at the light
    Gets his left signal on too late
    Make sure you get that blinker on
    Before you circumnavigate

    This is the type thing that
    Shouldn't be so hard
    I don't think it's that hard
    Is it really that hard?

  • One Second Ghost


  • All eight bits of me
    Are solidly
    Committed to side-scrolling

    And no enemies
    Can vanquish me
    Or the power I'm controlling

    But I suddenly scream "Shit!""
    Because my guy has just been hit
    With my hits points indicator less than full

    But it's quite inconsequential
    And my wrath will be torrential
    For the following one second
    I am in-vin-ci-a-ble

    ('cause I'm a)

    One Second
    One Second Ghost
    One Second
    One Second Ghost
    The cause of my awesomeNES
    Has been diagnosed
    ('cause I'm a)
    One Second
    One Second Ghost

    Post contact I am flashing
    And on the screen I'm dashing
    'Cause my time as a specter is so limited

    But even though I've just been damaged
    I turn that to my advantage
    You can't stop this platform gaming rivethead

    ('cause I'm a)

    One Second
    One Second Ghost
    The cause of your imminent death
    Has been diagnosed

    One Second
    One Second Ghost
    You try to do me in
    Well almost

    You get
    Vengeance from the other side
    Where pixel poltergeists reside
    It's the power you play with
    When you play Nintendo

    So take this song as a tutorial
    For going incorporeal
    'Cause if you strike me down
    I'll rise like a crescendo

  • English License


    Now don't get me wrong
    When you hear this song
    'Cause I got five Project Pitchfork CDs on my desk
    Playing more than occasionally
    XMTP MP3s
    But we're the English Police,
    and you're under arrest!
    First off, the letter "V"
    Is pronounced differently
    Than the way in which the letter "W" is said
    Such linguistic mistakes
    Should be harder to make
    If you called up an American goth and got your shit proofread!

    Chorus:
    For crimes of crappy lyrics that don't make any sense
    Your judgment has been made and it decrees that forth hence
    Project Pitchfork, E-Craft, and Funker Vogt
    Your English License has been revoked!
    For crimes of crappy lyrics that don't make any sense
    Your judgment has been made and it decrees that forth hence
    Neuroticfish and E-Craft, and Funker Vogt
    Your English License has been revoked!

    And I will concede
    That I will stomp 'till I bleed
    To your music 'cause I'm not a hater
    But it's hard sound tough,
    Even vocoding wont' be enough,
    If your lyrics are written by a first grader
    But I'll let you off with a warning
    If you promise me one thing:
    That you'll figure out what the proper syllables to accent are
    'Cause your looped layers of static
    Will sound more dramatic
    When you don't sing like a goddamn dork...ALLES KLAR?

    (chorus)

    Breakdown:
    Bands are on the run from the grammatical police
    For their own good, we gotta find and fix mistakes from Germanese
    No more changing words to make a rhyme or rhyming same words twice
    'Cause it's possible write a hit were the words aren't sacrificed
    Soon we're gonna go put other places to the test
    By fixing up their lyrics, Scandanavia is next
    Making yudgments on the quality of lyrical esteem
    Chopping up shitty lyrics with a guil-e-o-tine
    The right accents aren't required to garner our approval
    But singing like an idiot means license removal
    And I aware of my own lyrical shortcomings
    Pronunciation errors that knock me out the running
    Saying Funker, not "Foonkah", when I know that that is wrong
    Showing blatant hypocrisy within my own damn song
    But I'll make an effort and strain
    To get it right on the refrain
    And here it comes again
    So raise your voice (not woice) and sing along!

    (chorus x2)

  • Hey, I've Got That Font


    The boss isn't looking
    So I use my screen
    For browsing an online music magazine

    And there I see a thing
    That I can't believe
    There are still band logos made with Ogilvie

    'cause me,

    I'm something of a typeface connoisseur
    I eat chicken wing dings with my font du jour [tofu chicken]
    And I can spot your shitty fonts like a cheap toupee
    And still blow you away
    With my Arial display

    And when it comes to fonts,
    I annihilate
    And when I print my fonts,
    I always collate
    Some are narrow and condensed,
    Others heavyweight
    And I'm more gothic
    Than any Copperplate

    Hey, I've Got That Font
    And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    With bolds and italics from here to Vermont
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    Creepygirl and Rockwell, I'm a fuckin' font savant

    There are so many fonts that I recognize
    Zoom in all you want, they won't pixelize
    'Cause I know the good shit from the replicas
    I'll see you in Helvetica

    and then a

    Big fucking axe will cut off your hands
    You used to be serif, but now you're sans
    And I got plans to make that font
    Used by Mickey D's
    I'll trace it out with the blood
    From where your hands used to be

    I customized a font so each serif ends in a hook
    But your custom font looks like gobbledygook
    And that's not Eras Lite but Eras Medium that you mistook
    And I'm more gothic
    Than any Franklin Book

    Hey, I've Got That Font
    And a full directory of all the TrueType you could want
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    They used Alleycat to advertise that local restaurant
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    If there was a typeface army, then I'd be the commandant
    Hey, I've Got That Font
    I sell 'em to pay off my Mitsubishi Galant

    Morpheus
    Times New Roman
    Ultraworld
    Bookman Old Style
    Garamond
    Liquidism
    Comic, Bloody, Impact

    Verdana
    Goudy Stout
    Century Gothic, Bauhaus

    Joystix
    Buffy
    Liquidism 2
    Metal Lord
    Courier New

  • Mix This Song Into A23's "Maps of Reality"


    If you're gonna get paid
    For playing other people's music
    You'll probably wanna add some zing
    And here's one way to do it

    And I know that fancy mixing
    Doesn't always make a good DJ
    But still, my mom could put a CD in a deck
    And make it play

    "Maps of Reality"
    By Assemblage 23
    Has the same BPM
    And is in the same key

    As the track which you are hearing now
    It's Beat Match 101
    We'll synchronize
    The song's reprise
    And then we'll have some fun

    Because it's like a paint by numbers
    Except for the DJ booth
    Because a pause that lasts two seconds
    Just sounds sloppy and uncouth

    We'll make a beat match so precise
    You'll leave the dancefloor thunderstruck
    Because our mash-up will be organized
    And not just sheer (Shear?) luck

    "Maps of Reality"
    By Assemblage 23
    Is the subject of this mix
    Because I think that song is neat

    So whoever's at the decks,
    Prepare to bring the real beat back
    And cue it up to 9.7 seconds into the track

    Because it's like a paint by numbers
    Except for the disc jockey
    'Cause two shoes in a dryer
    Pisses off my Tamagotchi

    But train wrecks can be avoided
    And we're here to show you how
    So miss or mister DJ,
    Drop the beat...*NOW*

    Main synth in 5 4 3 2
    And cue Tom's vocals
    We'll end this shit when we reach the chorus

  • Better Versions By Other People


    Better versions by
    Other people
    Bigger beats and better synths
    And at least twice as evil

    Probably gonna overshadow mine
    But it's worth the risk
    Just to get a few more tracks
    On this goddamn disc

    Better versions by
    Other people
    When other people do the work
    It turns out much less feeble

    Should you hear this CD in a club
    It should be no surprise
    It's gonna be one these tracks
    By these other guys

  • Holy Shit, We're Playing Infest!


  • Who is this band?
    I never heard them before
    Must've snuck into Infest
    Through the back door
    And now we're on the bill
    That your admission paid for
    So excuse me for a second while i freak out hardcore

    Holy shit
    Holy shit
    Holy shit
    We're playing Infest

    Two Nintendo nerds
    From the American midwest

    Holy shit
    Holy shit
    We're playing infest

    I can't believe it either
    It's like we're dream achievers
    Were this is television i would adjust my receiver
    Neither rain nor sleet nor ice nor snow
    Could keep us from this show
    We'd even take a flight
    That's flying into Heathrow

    Last night I got so anxious
    I threw up and made a mess
    And now we're here to commandeer
    The fruits of your interest
    Get ready for
    The final inquest
    Holy shit
    Holy shit
    Welcome to Infest


  • Theme From "So You've Decided To Become A Goth"


  • Congratulations, I hear you're goth now
    But if you are just tuning in
    Well let me tell you how
    To be all creepy
    Industrial and gothic
    Just have a seat and
    Rewatch the filmstrip

    So you want
    So you want to become a goth
    Discover 80s icons apart from David Lee Roth
    And other things that you learn when you become a goth

    Not quite emo-ite
    Poseur or nu-metal
    And is here underscored
    By Hanzl und Gretyl
    So stayed tuned in our series
    Of gothic education
    Next we'll cover hi-hats, kick drums
    And arpeggiation

    So you want
    So you want to become a goth
    Discover 80s icons apart from David Lee Roth
    And other things that you learn when you become a goth
    So you want
    So you want to become a goth
    Hear music colder than ice planet Hoth
    And other things that you learn when you become a goth

    Or buy Funker Vogt instead
    To become a rivet head
    Order now for a free DVD
    Of Dawn of the Dead


  • Konami Code (III and IV)


    Contra! 30 Guys!
    Enter in this code for thirty lives!
    Contra! 30 Guys!
    Punch in the code for thirty lives!

    UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A SELECT START

    Contra! 30 Guys!
    The following code makes the body count rise!

  • Sonic Boom!


    Micah! You look like-ah
    Streetfighter!
    Micah! You look like-ah
    You're 16 bits on a Super Nintendo!

    You spike your hair in such a way,
    It's blonde and sharp and pointy
    And it makes me want to say:
    SONIC BOOM!

    Cruc' Injection!
    Entering the room,
    Throwing catchy synth hooks at tremendous volume!
    Spikey blonde hair that's pointy and well groomed,
    You cannot withstand the industrial
    SONIC BOOM!

    Micah! You look like-ah
    Flashkicker!
    Micah! You look like-ah
    You're gonna hit M. Bison with a medium punch!

    You spike your hair in such a way,
    I hold back for two seconds
    Push forward and A!
    SONIC BOOM!

  • Devastator


    Autobots are going down
    'Cause there's an evil giant robotic
    New kid in town!
    Constructicons
    Form to create
    The amalgemous monstrosity that Autobots hate!

    Right arm is formed by Scavenger!
    Left leg is formed by Mixmaster!
    Scrapper, Long Haul, Bone Crusher
    Make up the rest!
    Hook creates the head that heroes detest!
    DEVASTATOR!

    Constructicons in battle
    With the Dinobots!
    They kick and claw and tear and share
    Commercial spots!
    But the forces of evil
    Rule the scene
    With an iron fist
    That's purple and green!

    Right arm is formed by Scavenger!
    Left leg is formed by Mixmaster!
    Scrapper, Long Haul, Bone Crusher
    Make up the rest!
    Hook creates the head that snaps on to his chest!
    DEVASTATOR!

Upcoming Shows:

2012-02-17
Wicked Faire 2012
Somerset, NJ
site

2012-02-18
Wicked Faire 2012 (2nd set)
Somerset, NJ
site

2012-03-09
Marscon 2012
Bloomington, MN
site

2012-05-20
Kinetik Festival 5
Montreal, CAN
site